Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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