I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
