This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Welp...herpes.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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