i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
