Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
