I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
