you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
