Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
