I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
