I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
