Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
