I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
