Can i not drive my cunt home
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
