Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
