"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
