Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
