Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
