It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
