It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
