The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
