And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
