Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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