he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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