Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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