The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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