woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
