i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
