I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
