two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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