the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
