Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm like, not good at living.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
