i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
