Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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