i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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