So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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