I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
