bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You left your phone here
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