Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
