btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
