I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
