i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
