I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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