I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
