If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
