You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
