my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have already put on my inside pants.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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