i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just pee around me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
