Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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