started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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