Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
