All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
