i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
