Me. At least after what I've been through.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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