can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
